Sunday, August 5, 2007

The new mom's guide to water conservation

As a new mom in the 21st century, you may be pondering how to fit the "green" lifestyle into your new reality. There are all sorts of things to ponder now: disposable vs. cloth, breast vs. bottle, organic cotton goods vs. synthetics, and the list goes on. Luckily, the area of water conservation is a relatively simple one. It goes something like this:

  • Wait until after hubby dearest has left for work to attempt taking your own shower. Granted, this may take 6 hours after hubby has left, but that's still after. It's like the fuzzy logic of the Gremlins movie from the 80's - when exactly was that nebulous "okay" time that was not after midnight, yet was before midnight when it was all right to feed a Gremlin? After a few weeks of new-parent reality, you cease to care and just drop into a state of willing suspension of disbelief.
  • Get Jr. down for his or her nap at some point. Drop into the nearest chair or couch to close your eyes for just a minute before dragging yourself to the bathroom for that shower.
  • Jerk wildly awake an hour later when you realize that Jr. is beginning to stir, yet you're drooling over the side of the armrest. Hurtle to the bathroom and pray you can get the water going before you hear the first wail.
  • Jump in, throw a handful of soap and shampoo in the general direction of your body, then hop out again. Half of the water molecules are going to go down the drain wondering why they were called from the sky, and "was that a naked woman I just saw stumbling from the tub?", but that's not really your concern at this point.
  • Dry the remaining half of the molecules of water from your body while Jr. cranks it up. Put on clothes, and ha! Jr. is rescued and all is well with the world.

There you have it. Water conservation made simple!

Assuming, of course, you wake up in time. If you don't - well, not getting a shower at all really saves water!

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